Thoughts of a Working Man

I just found out that I'll be leaving my current situation at the end of January 2006. Funny, I thought I would be here at least until the end of their fiscal year in June, but there are no guarantees for contract employees. We're the fill-ins of the modern white collar work force. We're more than good enough for whatever tasks we're given, but we're not desirable enough to keep around permanently. I know, I know, there are lots of business reasons why we "consultants" exist, and why we can't find a permanent home with any employer. In my case, I have skills that are in demand on demand, but these same skills are considered a business luxury. They aren't perceived as contributing to the organization's bottom line on an on-going basis. So people like me come into organizations and are given tasks as simple as documenting systems to as complex as designing multimedia training presentations and managing online libraries, which we often have to create. But once we're done the hard work, it is determined that either it is too costly to maintain or too simple to maintain and doesn't require a fulltime body. And we're then off to the next assignment, when we can find it. But knowing all of the business reasons and ramifications completely leaves out the personal circumstances. Every time my contract is terminated, it feels like a defeat to me. It feels like a rejection. I feel "not good enough" for permanent employment. I feel not desirable enough to find a place for my in your organization. I feel less like a person than a disposable resource, like printer paper or hanging folders or writeable CD's. Any fool can write, they say. Bob Knight, the well known basketball coach is reputed to have said that he learned to write in the third grade and then he moved on to harder things. He was deliberately insulting sportswriters at the moment, but he also captured the feelings of a lot of business managers. They write memos. They expect their people to write documentation of what they do. And they think that either makes up for what I do or does it well enough for their absolute minimum needs. I suppose I should just get back into code-pushing if I want a more stable life. I suppose I'm an idiot for wanting to do work that satisfied me as much as it contributes to the institutional bottom line. I suppose I'm a fool for wanting job satisfaction.