Thoughts of a Working Man

I have to say that after only two weeks, I am very pleased with my new antidepressant. I have more energy. I sleep better. I'm more focused, and in general life is worth living again.

Man that feels good to say. If you haven't suffered from depression--God bless you--and you can't imagine what it's like. I can't pretend I know how everyone who has clinical depression feels, but if you read my earlier posts, you know how it was affecting me. I feel like I have worth as a human being again.

# posted by Tom @ 6:09 PM 0 comments

First, I'm glad I don't report to this manager. He's a nice enough guy in casual conversation, but on a project he's a bully. I can't think of any other word for it. I sat in a meeting today and watched him bully my technical expert about a document we are writing together.

I've had a chance to observe this manager as we've worked together these past couple of weeks, and I don't like what I see. He withholds information until the last possible instance. He reviews documents like he's conducting an inquisition. He almost never has anything positive to say, but he has plenty to say in an accusative way that implies that he feels he's surrounded by incompetent drones.

Were I not a civilized human being, I would pop him one. (Okay, I'm not terribly civilized, but I can control my temper. I'm learning.)

My next reaction is to want to confront him about his behavior. But I'm realizing that doesn't really work for me with people. Others don't seem to see their behavior from the outside. They want to defend and justify, and I have responded in the past by pressing my attacks and making them look bad even as they defend themselves. Needless to say, making a manager look bad--making anyone look bad, really--doesn't work for me. Eventually, I end up losing.

Right now, I concentrate on letting his criticisms of me slide off. That's actually getting easier. I consider the source and reject the personal stuff and the stuff that implies I'm incompetent. It's actually harder for me to let abuse given to others in my presence slide. Bullies love to intimidate, and they love to do it in front of others. I really hate giving them an audience.

All this is leading up to a question for anyone who may be reading this. How do you deal with a bully in the workplace, especially when the bully is a manager? I've long felt that bullies have to be confronted. At the same time, I'd rather be working than starving, and as long as I'm working here, I don't need a manager for an enemy.

So, if anyone out there has ideas they'd be willing to share, post them here. I'd love to learn some new people skills.

Thank God it's Friday!

# posted by Tom @ 3:50 PM 0 comments

...and calling and calling and calling.

The phone has been ringing off the hook this morning. Apparently a large local power company has put new job requirements out for a tech writer or two, and everyone who hasn't talked to me in the last month or so has called me back.

It's ironic how when I think I don't need a job the phone rings, and when I think I need a job I can't get anyone to pickup at the other end.

So, where am I in all of this? I'm taking the management here at their word that I can expect to be employed here probably through the end of the fiscal year, which is June 30. I am also taking them at their word that they'd like to keep me around on a permanent basis. Neither of these things is guaranteed, and both of them appear to be out of my control.

At the moment (more irony?) I have nothing to do. I'm on hold for two different projects, the leaders of which have told me they'll "get back to me." It is sometime difficult for me to keep myself occupied and not to look to a casual passerby as if I'm screwing off, especially when I am. I have to hope that isn't used against me by someone, but it's really out of my control at this point.

I'm approaching this situation differently than I did on the previous contract. There, because I really didn't like the place, once I got frustrated trying to get more work and also with their bureaucratic hangups, I agitated to get myself released. Here I'm not making waves, even when I want to, and I'm letting them move at their own pace.

I'm convinced that more productivity is lost to management indecision and consensus building than is lost by worker laziness or lack of motivation. I know I'm happiest when I have something to do that my employers want me to do. I'm next happiest when I'm doing something that engages me. When I can't have the first thing, like now, I work on the second thing to keep from going crazy. (Assuming I'm not already crazy.)

# posted by Tom @ 11:15 AM 0 comments

It has been an interesting morning, so far. First there was my horoscope:

If you've been wondering about whether or not you did the right think in a recent situation, wonder no longer. You're about to receive a very direct hint from the heavens telling you that you're not just headed down the right path, but you're also aimed directly at making a cherished dream a reality. Pay attention to where you are right now--and realize that you're only a few steps from where you've always wanted to be.

My boss and his boss stopped by the cube this morning to (a) tell me that had a major project they wanted me to document, and (b) that the boss's boss wants to talk to me about making my position here permanent. It's not my dream of early retirement and a life of ease and stability, but it is a stable job with the prospect of having a contributing purpose in being here.

I let it be known several months ago that I would not be averse to extending my employment here and making it permanent. Their reactions were at first not favorable and then ambiguous. The boss liked my work, but I guess the previous boss's boss (uberboss?) was focused on cutting costs. The former uberboss is gone. Perhaps the new uberboss has a different outlook. It seems promising.

I think that was what was driving yesterday's long musing on purpose in life. All I ask from my work is that I be considered a contributor. Often in technical documentation, especially in contract work, I feel like a necessary evil to be taken up only under duress and dropped as soon as possible. Often I feel that the people who hire me don't really want documentation, but they've been ordered from on high to get some documentation done. Often I have this strong sense that my work will never be used by anyone, so no one seems to care about what I've done or getting it right.

Okay, documentation isn't the organization's stock in trade, but it can make all of the organization's processes run more smoothly. And if the processes run smoothly, productivity improves, quality improves, and costs go down. Unfortunately, in today's business climate, it requires too long a term of vision to see that. It may take a year to put the information house in order; it may take five years. That makes it tough in a 14 week business quarter to justify any longer term investment.

# posted by Tom @ 9:22 AM 0 comments